Reflections

I'm not exactly sure why I'm posting. I just want to write. So I just sat here and watched I Would Die For That....again. As I sobbed and cried trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my life now I realized something. If I had this all to do over again, if I wasn't infertile, I would absolutely 100% be a surrogate. Not to make money, to make someones dreams come true. I would be happy to be able to bring life into this world for someone like me. I would love to be able to look into the eyes of someone struggling and see the relief and love in their eyes when they look at their child for the first time. I'm so emotionally spent on this journey and it's only just begun. I don't know what to do with myself, I don't know what to think about. I just want to cry and sleep. Which of course is not healthy at all. I feel like Jan 2nd is forever away, and even then what's to be said? I cannot wait to be able to take a bath again. Showers just don't wash away the pain as well as a nice long bath does. As for the recovery I've been moving around just fine. Yesterday I bloated pretty big and it felt as if my stitches in my belly button were going to rip. My friend Eva stopped by and dropped off some delicious Banana Nut Bread. <3 Chris and I are almost finished with Dexter, the dogs have been great not to jump up on me, and I even had a long talk with my neighbor today. :) I guess it's the little things right?