Monday, October 29, 2012

Getting back on the Blog wagon

I know, I know, it's been awhile since I've posted. The TTC journey has been so depressing and heartbreaking that I haven't even thought about posting on here. But since I have been on the Ricki Lake show, and have finally opened up to my friends and family...I figured...why not start blogging again. It seems the only way to REALLY tell our story! Currently we are residing in California, not sure if I mentioned that before. Since we got here in March I have been struggling with getting a referral to see a fertility specialist. It takes about a month just get get one appointment with a PCM or in my case OBGYN. Each time I have been treated badly. One appointment I was told I was fat and an alcoholic. Let me start by clearing something up...yes I am a big girl. I'm 5' 11" and I weigh in this dr's eyes he thinks I should be at 140. The smallest I've been since puberty is 155 and that was a LONG STRETCH for me. I was eating stackers like candy and working physical labor (which I truly miss that part) but point is I lost the weight in a very unhealthy way. I have since the appointment changed up my diet. I also am far from an alcoholic. I do honestly admit that on rare occasion I knock back a couple of drinks with my friends. Which usually consist of maybe 2 watered down shots (I'm a wuss and drink half alcohol and half mixer shots) and maybe 2 mixed drinks on RARE OCCASIONS!

I have also been told that I might suffer from Endometriosis. (sp?) Ok dr, write the referral to go be diagnosed since you can't do it. NOPE! He suggests I have another coposcopy done. Which I just had less than 2 months ago. Then he suggest that I have an HSG done...OK! He almost refused to write that referral too. Until I pitched a completely hissy fit in the office. I take my referral thinking I had WON over to radiology to schedule this procedure....there are NO female techs on this post, meaning I would have to go off post for it. *facepalm* I'm so over this doctor at this point because of many things I have left unsaid because they are highly inappropriate. I complain to the patient advocate who in turn runs my message to the head of the OBGYN department. (The Col.) Who then returns to me with hopes of a new appointment with the new doctor who is coming on post. I wait 2 weeks in agony to find out when I can see this guy. FINALLY my appointment is approaching on Nov 6th!!!! Now I'm praying and hoping with my whole heart that this dr has enough compassion to flat out tell you go! So then I can finally book an appointment with a FS and start getting poked and probed in hopes that I can conceive and carry my future. I cannot handle anymore disappointment. I'm completely and utterly spent. I cry every single day at the drop of a hat, I've isolated myself for the most part so I don't have to see all these babies everywhere, and I sit here constantly and think about being pregnant. 

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