Sunday, September 25, 2011
I'm sitting here on the couch and of course doing the same thing I do every day and night. I'm obsessing over getting pregnant. During this moment I'm in the middle of AF and my clearblue fertility monitor should be here I'm REALLY hoping tomorrow in the mail along with my test sticks. If not I'm assuming I'll have to wait til October to start testing with it. I've gotten a lot more inspiration with all the positive stories I've read about people using it. I'm just dying for Chris to get home and to be able to wrap my arms around him and know that we're going to start trying again. Although at this moment in time I'm not exactly sure when we'll get to really start trying. I found out today that his orders to PCS to California have been dropped and we will be staying in New York. I was kind of excited and now I have to start looking into housing again as there isn't much time. And I also found out that once he gets home he will be turning around and leaving again for a few weeks. How is this fair? He's been gone for a year and then you're only going to give me a couple of days with him before he has to leave again?! I know I shouldn't complain, at least he's coming home right? It just sucks that I've waited patiently all this time to start working on our family again and now it's being postponed a little while longer. I know they do not care at all about how I feel. I'm just anxious to make our dreams come true. I've known my whole life I've wanted to be a mother. I am dying inside as the months go by and I don't get to see that extra line on the test. I just want to feel that baby growing inside of me, knowing that I'm finally able to provide for someone and love someone so much. I know I'm selfish wanting to bring a baby into this world but that's what God put me on this earth to do right? Reproduce!