Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Day after Surgery Thoughts

Today I'm a little on the achy side. A lot better than when I had my gall bladder and appendix removed. I cannot compare it to the back surgery though...that was horrible. I haven't slept on my back in years and lastnight was the first time in awhile. I did sleep pretty well for the first time in awhile. My heart is broken still and I'm not sure where to go with that. I'm going to try to get into therapy and get the help I need. I'm doing self therapy right now and enjoying a nice big bowl of raisin bran crunch with my lactose free milk that I adore! I'm so glad someone created it because it's delicious! I cannot wait to try lactose free ice cream. I keep praying for a Christmas miracle and I would like to thank Margot, Sarah, and Teresa for their donations towards our IVF fun. I cannot say thank you enough to each and every person who has helped in any way that they can. It's nice not only to have some friends who donate but also the ones who emotionally support me. My friend Carla called me and talked to me for awhile today. We're both going through struggles in our lives. They are both different but they still hurt the same. My sister Kattie called today and we talked for almost 2 hours. I don't remember everything from the conversation as I am kind of out of it from the meds. Chris had to go into work for a few hours b/c of his 1st Sgt *facepalm* But at least he can help me around still today and tomorrow. I hope to be close to recovered tomorrow as I'm not a huge fan of medication in the first place. I had to reschedule my back dr appointment for next year because I'm not confident I can drive all the way out to Loma Linda tomorrow. I'm thinking that some snuggle time is in order for Chris and I in a little while. I don't know how to talk to him about all of this that's going on because I can't hold it together and it hurts to cry. I wish John were still alive so I could call him and cry. We are going to be cleaning out our storage building probably this weekend and I'm going to sell off a lot of stuff to go toward the IVF. Not to forget that is $100 a month that can be used to pay off our loans or car and that way in a few months we might have more money to put towards treatments. But right this second I am just sad. I still am holding onto the hope of getting this job that I have applied for, as it would tremendously help out. I need your prayers, thoughts, whatever you believe in sent in this direction. I wish I could talk more to the public about infertility other than just on here. I think I'm going to start doing a vlog on youtube. I just have to learn how to edit.

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