Monday, December 17, 2012

The Worst Day Of My Life

Today was the big surgery day. When I got the hospital I was in a bright and shiny mood and very optimistic. I joked with the nurses and doctors until it was time to wheel me back and put me out. The last thing I remember is them putting the mask on me and telling me to take several deep breaths. Which I don't know if that was what put me to sleep or if they pushed me out like they said they were going to. They gave me a nice big does of phenergan when they started trying to wake me up. I remember them telling me the bad news vaguely but all I could do was medicated cry. Now that I am awake and not in too much pain right now. The gas is up in my ribs and back so it's uncomfortable and my incisions are starting to feel really nice and tender. But other than that physically I'm fine. Emotionally I'm devastated. My left tube is completely useless as hidden under scar tissue to the point it could not be located. My right tube would not allow the dye to go through all the way so it's not open to receive the egg. My only option is IVF and now I'm so broken because we cannot afford it. I was told today...(my husband is the one who remembers since I was so medicated) That my ONLY options are, IVF, Surrogate, or Adoption. I still don't fit in with anyone because I don't have a medical disease to find a support group. But I am packing up all of the stuff I bought for the future nursery when I feel better. I can't look at it anymore. Thank you all for listening...if there are. I will continue to post when I can but I can't promise it's going to be positive.

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